Wedding Gift Etiquette

Whether you are giving or receiving a wedding gift make sure you know how to handle this delicate subject.  Wedding etiquette  will help guide you through the process smoothly.

There is a Time To Give

Wedding gifts are given at numerous times during the planning stages of a wedding and at the various ceremonial celebrations.  If you are giving the gift, you should know when it is appropriate to give a gift to the bride and groom at each of these times. 

1) The Engagement Party - If there is an engagement party, small keepsakes or mementos can be given to the bride and the groom.  Certainly a card is advised, but it is not necessary to but a big gift at this time.  Since this party is reserved for just the most intimate of guests, this can be handled individually as well.

2) The Wedding Shower- This should be the time that you definitly give a gift. If you go to a wedding shower you simply must take a gift. We will discuss more about the wedding shower later in this article.

3 The Wedding- If you attended the wedding shower it is not necessary to give another gift at the wedding. However, it is common to give the bride and groom a monetary gift at the wedding. This is offered to help them to pay for the wedding expenses and to start off their life together. If you do bring a gift to the wedding it should be a personalized gift or something of senimental value. 

The bride’s family or close friends will often give the bride or the groom something at random times during the planning stages of the wedding. For instance, the brides sister, mother or her maitron of honor might purchase a keepsake book for the couple to record their planning adventures.

This is not a "rule" but just a nice way to give the bride a gift that will provide sentimental value and can be used throughout the planning of the wedding itself.

A Showering of Gifts

It is assumed that you will bring a gift to a wedding shower if you attend one. There is no rule on the invitation about it but it would be impolite to attend without a gift.

The gifts given at the wedding shower are generally things for their household. The showers basic purpose is to help the young couple aquire some of the things they will need to start out their new lives together.  Typically, people will give things for the kitchen, the bath, the bedroom or any place else in the home that things are needed.

If you don't know what they need ask someone. It is perfectly appropriate to ask for advice from the parents of the bride and groom or other close family members.

Giving the bride and groom money to spend anyway they would like is very appropriate. This type of gift is always needed and appreciated. The couple has likely spent much of their own money paying for the wedding and honeymoon, not to mention their new home and it's needs.

The most common gifts are given at the wedding shower.These gifts are opened for all the other guests to see. This is a good thing to keep in mind when buying a wedding shower gift. Shower gifts are remembered and cherished because they are received at the wedding shower.

It is customary for the maid of honor and other bridesmaids to give gifts to the bride and groom as well.  In most cases, the parents of the couple will also provide a gift to them at this occasion. unless, of course, they feel that it is necessary to keep it to themselves they most certainly can.

At the Office

The co workers of the bride may want to give the bride an "office shower". This shower is usually given so that those who have a close working relationship with the bride can celebrate and give gifts. They are ususally things for her home and are usually less extravagant than the bridal shower gifts are.

The office shower is casual and most often a celebration for the lunch hour. Traditionally there is a cake and/or a deli meat and cheese tray served to those that come to the shower.  The closest worker to the bride can give her the shower but a boss could do so as well.

Guests invited to an office bridal shower do not necessarily have to be invited to the wedding shower. They do not even need to be invited to the wedding unless it was originally planned.

Gift Choices

Wedding shower gifts can be anything that the couple would need or want for their home. Every family is different but keep in minds that wedding shower gifts typically are high in quality. They can be something useful or something that has sentimental value.

The purpose of the gift is to help the couple get their new home ready for their arrival as man and wife.  For that reason anything for the home, from dishes to pots and pans; from fine china to large appliances; anything is acceptable. 
Typically the larger more expensive gifts come from those closest the bride and groom. This is not hard and fast rule however.

Gift Exchanges

If you are the bride or the groom, you too have gifts to give out to those that are in your wedding party.  It is customary for these gifts to be given at the shower. What you give is completely up to you and your budget.  Wedding gifts are a sign of gratitude to your wedding party for celebrating this time with you. It is a symbolic "welcome to our new life together".

Groomsmen's Gifts

Traditionally, the groom is responsible for providing some sort of thank you gift to the groomsmen in his wedding party.  This does not necessarily need to be expensive. It is commonly something that has an engraved message or some kind of value.

It is appropriate to give a gift to the groomsmen that fits the kind of relationship that they have with the groom.  For example, the groom might give his usher something that represents their favorite sports team. He could give his friends things that will remind his them of their friendship and the things that they enjoy doing together. 

The gifts for the groomsmen can be presented to the groomsmen at the rehearsal dinner.  If not, they can be presented by the groom to his groomsmen on the wedding day. Especially if it would be something that the men could use or wear as the they are preparing and getting ready for the celebration.  It is also appropriate for the gifts for the groomsmen to be given out at the bachelor party if this is done.

The gift should be something that has some sort of value. It is a token of thanks and gratitude to the groomsmen for all that they have done to help the groom in preparation of this day and for serving next to him throughout it.

Bridesmaids Gifts

The bride should provide a gift of thanks to her bridesmaids according to traditional wedding etiquette.There is no standard or expected gift. The choice is entirely up to the bride. The gift should be meaningful gift but not necessarily expensive.

Brides gift to her maidens could be chose as the same gift for all of them  or could be individual items given as a personal gift to each person.  This is done at the discretion of the bride herself.

Since the gift is a way of saying "thank you", it should have some special meaning or sentimental value attached to it.   This will be a memento of this day of celebration and the bride.

The gifts for the bridesmaids are traditionally given to the bridesmaids by the bride at the rehearsal dinner or at the bridal luncheon. The bridal luncheon is a time where the bride hosts her bridesmaids for a meal together.  If neither of these times seems appropriate, the bride can give her bridesmaids their gifts as they are preparing for the big day.  This is usually not the best choice because it can be very a busy and stressful time.

Wedding Favors

Etiquette dictates that the bride and groom or the host of the wedding reception and bridal shower give the guests that come a small gift.  This gift is often called a wedding favor. 

A wedding favor is presented to the women that attend the event. It is customary that the favors be given to all the females that attend. If the gift is something that is highly costly or inappropriate for a child, an age appropriate alternate gift can be given.

The wedding favor is usually a small token of thanks.  There are many, many wedding sites that can offer a variety of ideas and things to buy. The wedding favor selection can be anything that the host of the wedding chooses.

Most often the wedding favors will cost a few dollars each.  They can be marked with a tag that has the date of the event, the name of the couple and their celebration. Sometimes a small piece of candy is also included with the wedding favor.

A very old tradition that is sometimes still used is the gift of cigars to the men that attend the wedding reception. The groom or the groom’s father will give one to each man that comes to the reception.  It is a symbol of welcoming the groom to manhood.

Miscellaneous Gifts

There are other gifts that can be given throughout the wedding celebration and those leading up to it.  Gifts of sentimental value are quite often exchanged from mother to daughter and from grandmother to granddaughter.  Fathers may give their son’s something to honor the occasion.

While these gifts are not mandatory,nice ways to create memories and special moments between parents and their children. These special gifts say we are proud of you and wish you all the best in your marriage.

Gift Do's And Don'ts

Any gifts that are given should not be used until after the couple is married.  Gifts should remain kept away until after the ceremony.

Gifts should never be mentioned on any wedding invitation that is given out by the bride’s parents, the groom’s parents or the bride and groom. Gifts should not be "expected".

If the wedding is cancelled, the gifts should be returned to those that have given them.  It is a good idea to keep a record of who gave what to insure that this is easily done should the couple not stay together. This list is also useful when writing out thank you notes in the event that the

If a wedding is postponed indefinitely, gifts should be returned to the person that gave them.  If the wedding is postponed with a rescheduled date, gifts may be kept but should not be opened or used until after the couple is  married and living together.

Even if a person has been married before, they often need many things when they are getting remarried. It is perfectly fine to have a shower for these people.  Depending on how large the wedding will be should determine how formal and lavish the wedding shower is and therefore the gifts that are given to the bride that has been married before.

Sometimes the couple already owns a home and really doesn't need any of the typical things that are given at a wedding shower. In this case it is proper to give a "lifestyle" gift. This could be something like a gift certificate to a hotel, spa or restaurant. Maybe you would like to give a vacation package or partial package to a bed and breakfast or some similar type of get away.

Weddings are very expensive and monetary gifts are always very much appreciated by brides and groom. However this type of gift will often cost more than a typical shower gift.

Gift Registry

Proper etiquette dictates that the bride and groom supply information with the wedding shower invitation about where they are registered for their wedding. The Wedding shower is the perfect time to buy gifts from the registry

The bride and groom should register for their wedding gifts together.  This can be done in several ways.  It is best to register at several locations to give guests several options to choose from.  It is also appropriate and necessary to select gifts from a variety of price ranges.

Gifts should be registered based on the couples tastes and needs but they should also register from a variety of different price ranges so that no one feels like they are obligated to buy and expensive gift.  In the same way, those that do want to spend a large amount of money on the bride and groom should be able to find something on the registry that you have chosen. The bride and groom do not send out invitations to their own wedding but it is appropriate for them to fill out a gift registry.

Money should not be requested as a gift to be given at the wedding shower or wedding. If this is the need then the host of the shower can suggest it by word of mouth.

Gift Returns

Even with the most careful of thoughts, gifts may be duplicated, the wrong size or it may not be of use to the bride and the groom.  When this happens, it is okay to return the gift and purchase something that is useful instead. Always include a gift receipt with a wedding gift so that the couple can exchange the gift if they need to.
It is best for the newly wed couple to have a gift that they can use so don't be offended if they return the gift that you bought.

Never return a handmade gift or gift that holds sentimental value. These gifts should be displayed.