Wedding Shower Etiquette

A Wedding Shower: It's Not About Gifts

You are throwing your wedding shower to celebrate this most exciting time in your life; you're engaged and about to be married! You do not want to sound like all you are looking for is free stuff or money. There are important rules of etiquette that will help you accomplish these objectives.

Who Will Host the Wedding Shower?

It is not good etiquette to throw your own wedding shower. It gives the impression that you are asking for gifts. In most American cultures it is even impolite for your mother, sister or any close family member to throw your wedding shower. The exception would be if your sister is your maid of honor.

Traditionally the maid of honor is the person responsible for organizing and hosting the wedding shower for the bride. She can make it a surprise party or a large formal event. It is much better if the bride has no input at all in planning the shower unless she just offers her opinion when asked what she would like. This is a time for those who love you to plan and host an event in your honor completely without your help.

Other Details of Wedding Shower Etiquette

There are several other small details to consider when planning a wedding shower. These are rules that will help guide you as you plan your wedding shower so that nobody is offended.

1. Don't invite anyone to the wedding shower that is not invited to the wedding or reception. The person that is planning the shower will need to get the help of the bride’s mother for this.
2. If your friends at work want to organize and host a wedding shower for you they should do this on their own. It is not necessary to make sure only those people invited to the wedding are invited in this situation.
3. It is perfectly fine to have more than one wedding shower. If there is one for each side of the family the rules still apply in each case. Traditionally though, it is more common that both sides of the family are invited to one wedding shower. This is a good time for everyone to get acquainted.
4. The mother of the bride and the maid of honor should try to attend all the wedding showers except perhaps the office shower.
5. Men may be included in the wedding shower invitation list. Most often it is the fathers of the bride and groom, best man and the groom himself. Some cultures will include other men too.
6. Don't invite guests to more than one shower. They may feel obligated to bring gifts to every shower.
7. Wedding showers for a second marriage is perfectly acceptable. It may be best to request no gifts since the bride and groom probably already have the things they need to start their new life together.
8. It is nice for the shower to be a surprise for the bride and groom but not necessary. It is an expected event so the surprise aspect of it is not always attainable.

The Location

This is another important consideration. It is nice that this area of planning a wedding shower has no rules! A wedding shower can be anything from a small informal get together with refreshments to a formal bash with live entertainment and dinner.

The location should reflect the style of the wedding shower. Whether informal or extravagant, the location should match the mood that is set.

An important thing to remember is that there should be plenty of seating for all the guests. There should be room to open gifts and a table to set them on.

The host of the wedding shower should greet the guests as they arrive. The host should also make sure there is someone recording the gifts given to the bride and groom along with who gave each gift.

Elements of a Wedding Shower

1. A greeting by the mother of the bride, the maid of honor and the host of the wedding shower.
2. Some type of meal should be included in the wedding shower event. It could be anything from a sandwich bar to an elaborate formal dinner. Refreshments such as cake and punch should also be a part of any wedding shower.
3. There should be comfortable seating for the guests and tables if necessary. It isn't necessary to assign seats unless you are having a very formal wedding shower.
4. Generally music is a part of the atmosphere, although live entertainment is not common.
5. Most often the gifts are opened after the meal is served.
6. The bride and groom should make it a point to visit personally with each guest and thank them for coming and celebrating with them.
7. The bride and groom should publicly thank the wedding party and the host of the shower. This can be done either before or after the food is served.
8. Most commonly, wedding showers are held in the afternoon on a weekend. However, anytime is acceptable.

Additional Information

This long time tradition is a wonderful time of celebration and happiness for the new couple’s new life together. This party is intended to help the bride and groom get started on their journey with some of the things that they will need.

A nice tradition that many brides will enjoy is collecting all the ribbons that are given to her on the gifts. She puts them together and creates a mock bouquet. She can use it at the wedding rehearsal in place of the real bouquet that she will hold in the wedding.

A person in the wedding party should take notes of the gifts and who gave each one. This will be of great help to the bride when it comes to writing out thank you notes to her guests.

A wedding shower takes quite a bit of planning. The more formal the shower, the earlier planning should start. Usually the shower should take place a month or so before the wedding. This is not a requirement, however. A wedding shower can be held days before or even after the honeymoon if necessary.