Wedding Responsibilities - Who's Doing What?

• There will be people who want to do anything and everything for you. They may offer to pay for everything and want to help make all of your dreams for your wedding come true. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, often times these people will also want to have a controlling hand in the decision making as well. 
• Other times people would rather not be all that involved. They let you go off to do everything on your own, including making all the plans and paying for everything yourself.

As you can see, these are two opposite ends of the spectrum. Ideally, you want to work your way to somewhere in the middle. To help make this happen, you should make plans to get together with those people who would like to play a role in your wedding and also close family members.

This includes:

• Parents, step-parents and grandparents
• Siblings
• Godparents or close family friends
• Close friends of the couple
• The wedding party

By meeting with each of these people, you can open the lines of communication, come together and make decisions regarding what role they will play in this very important event for you and for them.

Traditional Wedding Responsibilities

The following is a breakdown of the different people involved in a wedding and the roles that they traditionally take on.

Mother of the Bride

The primary goal of the mother of the bride is to make sure that the bride's wishes are carried out the way she would like them to be. In other words, she is there to make sure that things get done just the way the bride wants them to be.

The mother of the bride should respect the bride's tastes and desires and make sure they are represented on the happy day. She should be able to provide input and support, but in the end she should help execute the bride's wishes.

The mother of the bride has one of the biggest roles in the wedding. Following is a list of her responsibilities:

Wedding Attire - Help the bride find the perfect dress for the wedding, including undergarments and accessories. Honor the bride's tastes in all matters although helpful input should be appreciated by the bride.

Guest Lists - Help organize the guest lists. Coordinate with the mother of the groom, initiating the first contact if necessary.

Wedding Budget - Assist the bride and groom with determining their wedding budget. While she should not do all of the work, she should help the couple allocate where the money is going and point out the important aspects that should be considered.

Out of Town Guests - The mother of the bride should make sure that all out-of-town guests on the bride's side of the family are well taken care of. She should make the arrangements for accommodations and transportation. Reserving a block of rooms at a local hotel generally makes things easier on everyone.

Wedding Dress - The mother of the bride should choose the dress she will wear to the wedding first. Then she should immediately inform the groom's mother of the color and style so that she can coordinate her own outfit for the special day.

Wedding Ceremony - The mother of the bride helps by making sure that the bride's wishes are being carried out and that everyone knows where they should be, what they should do and when. She also helps with setting up the receiving line.

Hostess - The mother of the bride is also the hostess at the wedding reception.

Mother of the Groom

The mother of the groom also has an important part to play for the wedding. However, it is somewhat determined by the role that her son and the bride wish her to have. Following are some of the traditional responsibilities of the mother of the groom, according to etiquette.

Congratulate - This is one of the most important roles of the groom's mother. She should call the bride's parents to introduce herself and offer her congratulations. When possible, it is a nice gesture to invite the bride's parents for dinner to begin to build that important family relationship.

Guest List - The mother of the groom should work with the couple to determine the number of guests. If a limit has been set for the wedding, she should make sure she stays within the limit. She should work to provide a complete and accurate guest list as quickly as possible.

Wedding Dress - The mother of the bride always selects her dress first. The dress that the mother of the groom chooses should compliment the style and color. It should not match the bride or bridesmaids.

Out of Town Guests - The groom's mother should provide for out-of-town guests on the groom's side of the family. This includes both accomodations and transportation.

The Rehearsal Dinner - the mother of the groom is also responsible for hosting the rehearsal dinner. The guest list should include everyone who has a significant role in the wedding. The type of dinner, either formal or informal, is her choice. Children may be included in the rehearsal dinner.

Reception Line - the groom's mother should introduce friend's and family on the groom's side to the bride and her mother.

The Maid of Honor

The maid of honor has a very special role in the wedding. She sets the tone for the rest of the bridesmaids and help to direct them to help make sure they are doing what they should. She also helps and supports the bride on the days leading up to and including the day of the wedding. A list of her responsibilities include the following.

Wedding Invitations - The maid of honor should help to address and send the wedding invitations as well as any wedding announcements.

Host the Bridal Shower - The maid of honor should host a party in honor of the couple. This may be the bridal shower or not. She should work with family members and/or the couple's close friends when planning this important event.

Other Events - She should also plan to attend all other parties and events related to the wedding.

The Ceremony - The maid of honor should assist the bride throughout the ceremony. She should help the bride with her train, hold her bouquet during the ceremony, and witness the ceremony and sign the marriage certificate. She may need to carry the groom's ring, unless the best man does this.

Help to Dress the Bride - She should assist the bride in dressing as well as the other bridesmaids, and help her to undress after the wedding.

Help the Flower Girl - If there is a flower girl, the maid of honor should assist her by providing directions and encouraging the flower girl to perform her role successfully.

In addition, the maid of honor should help the bride to leave the reception and care for the bride's wedding dress according to the wishes of the bride, including cleaning and preserving.

Best Man

The best man also plays a big role in the wedding. Following are a list of his responsibilities to the couple.

Marriage License - Help with the marriage license, including making sure the groom has it! He also signs the marriage certificate as a witness.

Minister's Fee - Give the minister's fee to the minister. The groom should provide the fee to the best man.

Travel Arrangements - The best man should provide assistance with planning the honeymoon and provide for travel arrangements to each destination.

Travel to the Church - He should get the groom to the church on the wedding day.

Assist the Groom - The best man should help the groom dress for the wedding, as well as assisting the ring bearer and other groomsmen. He should make sure the ring bearer is taken care of. If there won't be a ring bearer, he should carry the ring until it is needed in the ceremony.

Organize Groomsmen - The best man sets the tone for the groomsmen and makes sure they understand their role and responsibilities in the wedding. He makes sure they are where they are supposed to be on time.

Helps with Errands - He helps with any errands that are needed and assist the couple and the bride's mother to make sure they have everything they need.

After the Reception - The best man helps the bride and groom to leave the reception with the maid of honor's help.

Groom's Tux - He should take care of returning the groom's tux as well as his own.

Flowers - He should arrange for flowers to be delivered to the bride and groom while they are on their honeymoon.

These are the primary roles during a wedding and their main responsibilities. There may be others who wish to have a role in your wedding, and it's a good idea to try to include them if possible. However, following the above etiquette guidelines should keep people organized and also help prevent any hurt feelings.